Mitt Romney is wearing crazy underwear. He's wearing magic underwear. He is. I mean, under his pants, he is wearing magic underwear. Magic underwear. And he believes that a convicted con man got golden tablets that no one else could see, and sat with an angel to find out that the original Jews of the Bible were living in North America. Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. But... just more modern, not more crazy, than other religions. Not more crazy than Islam, you know, with your... not more crazy than virgin births and resurrections. Not more crazy than any of that stuff.
So when someone says, they believe in the word of God literally, I go back and think about Genesis, where people were living to be 900 years old. And I say bullshit! And then I think about Noah and the flood, killing everybody? God that loves us kills everybody? And he wants to get two of every species and seven of the ones that are clean onto a boat that floats for that amount of time? And I just go, really? Because you don't act that way. You're able to go to Home Depot, you're able to pay with a credit card, you're able to go to Starbucks, you know how to use a computer. Really? Do you really mean that? What do you mean literally? Do you really mean that you're going to stone someone to death who because they work on the Sabbath, are you really gonna do that? Really, honestly? You're gonna take a rock in your hand and throw at the mother-fucker's head because he worked on a Sunday to support his family? Are you really gonna do that? If you mix cotton and linen in your clothing are you really going to go to hell? What do you mean when you say that?
And no one's ever answered me. There's a code going on that I need the Rosetta Stone. I need someone to sit me down and go, Penn, when Obama says he went to that church and they talked about all this stuff being literal, what he really meant was... fill in the blank! Tell me! What does he really mean? These people are good, honest, smart, not bat shit crazy people, so why the fuck are they saying bat shit crazy stuff to me?
Penn Jillette: An Atheist's Guide to the 2012 Election
In this (profane) installment of Penn Jillette's Atheist's Guide to the 2012 Election, the Penn and Teller illusionist (and outspoken atheist) sizes up Mitt Romney's religion.